Should I tell my children the true story of Santa Claus?

Having children in your life, especially as a parent, comes with numerous joys, challenges and doubts. While these may present themselves at different moments, around Christmastime they can all appear at once when it comes to answering the question: “Is Santa real?”

There are many spoilers about the truth of the matter that are omnipresent for children from holiday music and films to classmates and neighbors who are itching to spill the beans. However, in most cases children tend to be oblivious to facts laid out before them from those sources, but the seeds may be planted that get them wondering.

So as a parent, or anyone with young children in their life for that matter, how should you go about telling kids the truth about Santa Claus? Dr. Jazmine McCoy, a clinical psychologist and mother of three, provided some advice on her weekly newsletter ‘The Mom Psychologist’.

Advice for telling kids the truth about Santa Claus

First and foremost, Dr McCoy says that “every family has to make this decision for themselves because how you approach it is up to you.” She respects that parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit, “as long as it’s not abusive, neglectful, or cruel.”

So when navigating how to talk about Santa Claus with your kids “there’s no right or wrong way.” Everyone’s values and beliefs, as well as their child’s needs are different, and in her eyes, you have full “liberty” to decide what is the best way.

Also, that it is important to respect other people’s beliefs around Old St. Nick and leave the explaining up to a child’s parents. This is something that should be shared with children “in-the-know” who may want to let the cat out of the bag to other children.

The most important thing is to emphasize what the spirit of the holiday is supposed to be; “generosity, kindness and giving,” which are embodied in Santa Claus.

And with that, on a side note, Dr. McCoy feels that no matter what you decide to tell you kids, whether he’s real or not, that she is not a fan of using his “nice & naughty list” nor turning your ‘Elf on the Shelf’ into his spy as a tools to influence children’s behavior in the run up to Christmas.

“We need to emphasize to our kids that Santa is a kind character, and he’s going to be nice to you regardless,” she says.

Answering the big question: “Is Santa real?”

Dr. McCoy notes that children typically begin getting curious about Santa and his miraculous skills handing out gifts, his magical reindeer, and the elves, between the ages of 7 and 10, adding “the average age of when kids figure out Santa isn’t real is 8 years old.” But “there’s no magical age.”

If you’ve been telling your kid that Santa is real, then you’ll need to base how you approach the topic “on your child and the questions they ask.” With a straight up “Is Santa real?” question, you can start with a little curiosity of your own by asking them what they think, or why they are asking.

This isn’t deflection. It will help inform you where to go next. And if they insist on knowing, Dr. McCoy recommends honesty.

But in every case, she emphasizes reiterating the values Kris Kringle embodies. Just because one may know Santa isn’t real, doesn’t mean he and Christmas are any less magical.

Kids are full of imagination and love to pretend; Santa is no different

For those parents who don’t want to raise their kid believing in Santa, that’s their prerogative. But Dr. McCoy says that you should explain that while St. Nicolis is a fictional character there are many people who like to believe in him or pretend Klaus is real just like some do with “the Easter Bunny, mermaids, or unicorns.”

Dr. McCoy explains you won’t be ruining Christmas for your child, that kids love to imagine and pretend play. Just because one doesn’t believe Santa Claus is real, doesn’t mean that one can’t pretend.

Children know that they aren’t Batman when playing superheroes or a mom when playing with dolls, but that “doesn’t distract from the fun of pretending.”

“You can still have a magical Christmas because it’s all about embodying the spirit of Santa – embodying generosity and kindness,” Dr McCoy added.

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