Amalya Tagakchyan, therapist, on dealing with angry people: “Rather than correcting, aim to regulate yourself”

Ever struggled to deal with someone who seems intent on starting an argument? Navigating those tricky inter-personal interactions can be tough if the other party isn’t in the mood for compromise, but that doesn’t means that you are without options.

Psychologist Kimberly Moffit gives advice to her followers on TikTok and has provided some imaginative advice for that difficult situation. Moffit’s suggestion is to imagine yourself as a tall, calm tree, confronted with a small gremlin trying to light you on fire with their angry ‘sparks’. Try to stay cool and ensure that the ‘sparks’ simply bounce off you, having no effect.

The idea is to control what you can control; namely, your own emotions. You may not be able to alter people’s actions but if you show that they have no impact on you, you might be able to dissuade their worst instincts. It’s a technique that therapist and social worker Amalya Tagakchyan speaks about on her Untangled Path Therapy website.

“Angry people on the attack are typically disregulated, they can defensive, anxious, or even threatening. If you engage, you’re now pulled into their emotional state. Rather than correcting, aim to regulate yourself,” Tagakchyan explained.

Of course, knowing these techniques is not the same as being able to deploy them when confronted with a real-life ‘gremlin’. But simply knowing about Moffit’s trick might help you to keep your cool next time you find yourself in a difficult situation.

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