Psychologists explain how to get a ‘yes’ response more often from friends and coworkers

There is an argument to be made that convincing someone to do something they might not necessarily want to do is one of life’s most useful skills.

Overturning another person’s opinion is generally out of our control, which can make it a stressful experience when it is something we have to do. However, extensive research suggests there is one surprisingly effective tool we can use to nudge the odds in our favor.

Why pressure backfires

It all comes down to psychology. A number of studies conducted over the years claim the key to getting someone to agree to do something is telling them they are under no obligation to say “yes.”

It sounds simple, and maybe even counterintuitive. But it works. To make it even easier, Shadé Zahrai, a peak performance educator, behavioral researcher, and leadership strategist who advises Fortune 500 companies, has shared four phrases that can be used in almost any situation to help you persuade someone without pushing too hard.

Four phrases that lower resistance

“You’re free to say no,” Zahrai says, lowers the person’s defensiveness and enables them to make a voluntary decision about whether to agree or not.

“Please don’t feel obliged” is especially effective in social situations, where many people resent being forced or pressured into doing things. Work, of course, is slightly different here.

Use the phrase “No pressure” in time-sensitive situations. It gives the other person space to make a more measured decision, which may actually work in your favor.

And saying “No need to reply” can also benefit the requester, even if the prospect of not getting an answer can feel frustrating. According to Zahrai, the obligation of having to reply can create stress, something most of us can relate to in the modern world. Removing that pressure is more likely to generate a favorable outcome.

Taking the pressure off pays off

So whether you want to ask your boss for more time off, need a colleague to cover for you, or just want to make social plans with someone, taking the pressure off can often help you get what you want.

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