The 3C rule: the growing practice to help couples stay together for years

The search for a romantic partner can, at times, be complicated. Finding the love of our lives is no easy task, as doubts about whether this person is truly “the one” can often creep in. The initial excitement can gradually turn into uncertainty as we get to know the other person better.

There’s rarely middle ground in this process. The more you discover, the more likely you are to either adore them or dislike them. The “yes, but” situations often end poorly, leaving one person particularly hurt. According to French writer Martine Castello – and the French are said to know a thing or two about love – there are three essential pillars for ensuring a successful relationship. She explains them in her book How to Find Love Through the Rule of the 3 Cs, or Comment trouver l’amour de votre vie, grâcce à la règle des 3 C, to give it its original name.

Heart, body, and conscience

The three Cs stand for heart, body, and conscience, or at least they do in the original French: le corps, le cœur et la conscience. The first of these principles is fundamental. For a romantic relationship to be successful and long-lasting, there must be feelings involved — on both sides, in a reciprocal way. If one person isn’t fully invested in the other, it’s unlikely that the relationship will endure.

1. Corps: words and hearing

In this regard, Castello highlights certain gestures as clear signs of love, such as offering compliments or simply listening and paying attention to the other person’s concerns. Compromising on some things and building projects together are also essential components of the “heart” aspect.

2. Cœur: chemistry and wavelengths

The second pillar the author refers to is the body — but not just in the sense of physical attraction. It also includes the chemistry that may exist between two people. The ease of linking and shared interests, for instance, are positive indicators that things might work out with someone. In other words, being on the same wavelength is key. Lifestyle, cultural identity, personal values, and morality are three factors that influence this area. If both partners share these elements, the chances of the relationship thriving are significantly higher.

3. Conscience: communication, transparency and trust

Finally, there’s conscience, which refers to communication. While this is an ability that distinguishes humans from other living beings and may seem effortless at first glance, expressing what we feel or want to convey isn’t always easy. In fact, poor communication — or ineffective communication — is one of the main challenges couples face.

On this point, Castello emphasizes transparency and trust in the other person as essential for mutual understanding. She advises against speaking from a place of emotion, as this risks letting personal ego take over. Instead, she suggests calming down and spending time together to ease any tension, such as going for a short walk.

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