This is the question you have to ask yourself every day to be mentally stronger according to a therapist: you’ll get “a little dose of optimism”

Many people feel that they aren’t in control of everything in their daily lives and they end up getting down on themselves replaying what they could’ve done better in their minds solely focusing on the negative.

Psychotherapist Amy Morin found herself in this situation early in her career when she says she “hit a wall” doubting her effectiveness to help clients despite her best efforts. She sought guidance from her supervisor who gave her advise that she’ll “never forget.”

“Are you sharpening your skills every day?” asked the supervisor adding, “because that’s what you have control over — not whether your clients improve.” She now practices the daily exercise of asking herself a simple question that has been a game-changer for her and a catalyst for change in her clients.

How to become mentally stronger

Recently Morin shared on CNBC’s ‘Make It’ her experience of how asking herself everyday “What did I do today to grow mentally stronger?” became “a strategic tool that enhances self-awareness and resilience” and “not just a feel-good exercise.”

She says that this self-reflection exercise “shifts the way I approach challenges in the short-term and pushes me toward personal and professional growth in the long run.” Instead of focusing on her failures “it forced me to review my day through the lens of strength,” she says.

Repeating this exercise of reflection on a daily basis, she explained in her book ’13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do Workbook', built her awareness and confidence that are now the foundation of her mental strength. Furthermore, it has worked for her clients too. They have learned that they can “take control of situations that once felt overwhelming.”

One young professional she worked with went from dwelling on the moments she thought she’d said something “wrong” to celebrating having spoken up during a meeting. It built her confidence and reduced the anxiety with which she was struggling.

Another example she gave was single father of a three-year-old who was juggling his demanding career with the challenges of raising a child alone. He was able to go from being critical of himself for not living up to his expectations of what being a good father is to acknowledging when he was strong in the face of a temper tantrum and kept his calm.

Making this mental strengthening exercise work for you

Morin, who has also given a TEDx talk on the subject that has been viewed over 42 million times, says that you have to make this exercise of asking yourself “What did I do today to grow mentally stronger?” a part of your daily routine. She says it only takes a few minutes but that you should keep in mind the following things when employing it:

On this last point, she says that you shouldn’t shoot for perfection, being mentally strong isn’t about that. Instead “it’s about making progress, learning from mistakes, and navigating life’s inevitable curveballs,” she explains. When you focus your attention on what you can control “you’re feeding yourself a little dose of optimism” every time you answer the question.

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