Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher, on becoming a good communicator: “Make this a daily habit”
Strong communication can help strengthen relationships and build respect in the workplace, says Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral researcher and bestselling author.
Vanessa Van Edwards, a behavioral investigator and author of Captivate and Cues, focuses on the “science of people.” Her advice centers on mastering non-verbal, vocal, and verbal signals to build trust and authority.
According to Van Edwards, the secret to effective communication is balancing Warmth (trust, likability, and connection) with Competence (capability, power, and reliability).
1. The “Triple Threat” for First Impressions
We make a first impression in the first seven seconds. To signal that you are a “friend” rather than a “foe,” she suggests focusing on three things:
Hands: Keep your hands visible (e.g., on the table). Our brains feel anxious when we can’t see someone’s hands because, evolutionarily, we are checking for danger or weapons.
Posture: Use open body language. Avoid crossing your arms and keep your shoulders relaxed and down to avoid the “turtle” look (hiding your neck), which signals insecurity.
Eye Contact: Aim for the “sweet spot” of 60–70% eye contact.
Pro Tip: To appear more competent, make direct eye contact at the end of your sentences to “drill a point.”
2. Powerful Non-Verbal Cues
The Lean In: Leaning toward a speaker shows you are engaged and value what they are saying.
The Triple Nod: Using a slow triple nod signals that you are listening and encourages the other person to keep sharing.
Head Tilts: Tilting your head slightly to the side is a warmth cue that conveys empathy and openness.
Lower Lid Flex: Narrowing your eyes slightly (like you’re focusing on something distant) signals that you are making an effort to understand the speaker.
3. Vocal and Verbal Strategies
Avoid “Uptalk”: Do not end your statements with a rising inflection (making them sound like questions). This signals doubt and low confidence.
Use Power Words: Use words that prime the brain for action or connection.
Competence words: “Effective,” “execute,” “science,” “productive.”
Warmth words: “Collaborate,” “together,” “happy,” “appreciate.”
The “Hello” Rule: Research shows the most effective conversation starter is a simple, “Hello, how are you?” followed by a “spark” (a question that elicits a positive story or opinion).
4. Meaningful Conversations
Stop Using Scripts: Move away from standard questions like “What do you do?” and use “sparks” like “What’s your story?” or “Working on anything exciting?”
Leverage Vulnerability: Being open about your true feelings or small mistakes makes you more relatable and builds deeper connections.
Daily small talk: The next time you’re eager to rush away from small talk with a colleague, stay a little longer, ask one more question, and be attentive to make a long-lasting impression.
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