Goodbye to the marital bed: ‘Sleep divorce’ is the new trend thriving among couples
Cameron Diaz is among those pushing the cause of ‘sleep divorce’, which is billed as a away of maintaining a healthy romantic relationship.
Hollywood star Cameron Diaz is among the advocates of ‘sleep divorce’ - a domestic arrangement billed with the potential to improve some couples’ relationships.
What is ‘sleep divorce’ and why do people opt for it?
Defined by the Sleep Foundation as the practice of “romantic partners sleeping in different rooms rather than sharing a bed at night”, ‘sleep divorce’ is something that couples might choose for any number of reasons.
For example, one member of the couple might otherwise disrupt the other’s sleep with their snoring, or disturb them with their habit of staying up late reading.
Domestic partners might have work schedules that require different bedtimes. Or an individual’s insomnia issues might lead them to choose ‘sleep divorce’ to avoid any knock-on effects on their partner’s overnight rest.
How many Americans sleep separately from partner?
In a 2023 survey carried out by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), more than a third of all respondents said they sleep in a separate room from their domestic partner either occasionally or consistently.
What are the potential advantages of ‘sleep divorce’?
Per the Sleep Foundation, ‘sleep divorce’s' potential to reduce nighttime interruptions can lead to better sleep quality and increase the time you spend asleep. In turn, the organization explains, these positive outcomes can have a beneficial effect on a couple’s overall relationship.
“When both members of a couple fall short on sleep, they may treat each other with more hostility,” say the Sleep Foundation’s Jay Vera Summer and Dr. Brandon Peters.
Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, agrees: “We know that poor sleep can worsen your mood, and those who are sleep deprived are more likely to argue with their partners. There may be some resentment toward the person causing the sleep disruption which can negatively impact relationships.”
In a 2023 study conducted by the Sleep Foundation, a majority of those who adopted and maintained a policy of ‘sleep divorce’ in their home - 52.9% - reported improved sleep quality.
‘Sleep divorce’ may also be a safer option, the Sleep Foundation says, if one member of a domestic partnership tends to ‘act out’ their dreams while sleeping, inadvertently kicking or even punching their bedmate.
An AASM survey found more than a third of people sleep in another room to accommodate a bed partner.
— American Academy of Sleep Medicine (@AASMorg) July 11, 2023
Although the term #SleepDivorce seems harsh, it just means people are prioritizing sleep and moving into a separate room when needed, says @sleepdoc5. https://t.co/5f98uUf7AZ pic.twitter.com/ZgnGxu3K1V
“We should normalize separate bedrooms”
“We’ve been conned by the idea we should sleep together if we’re in a relationship,” Neil Stanley, the coauthor of the book A Sleep Divorce: How to Sleep Apart, Not Fall Apart, told an interview with National Geographic in 2024. “[Sleeping separately] is a perfectly normal thing to do.”
Diaz, the star of major movies such as There’s Something About Mary and Charlie’s Angels, has shared a similar message when discussing her relationship with husband Benji Madden.
“We should normalize separate bedrooms,” the 52-year-old told the podcast Lipstick on the Rim with Molly Sims in 2023 (quotes per Today.com). “I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I’m fine.”
What are the disadvantages to ‘sleep divorce’?
While there are clear potential advantages to ‘sleep divorce’, however, it is an arrangement that also comes with possible downsides.
As is pointed out by Summer and Dr. Peters, it is a more expensive option - after all, it’s only possible if you can afford a home in which you have an extra bedroom available.
The Sleep Foundation experts also note that ‘sleep divorce’ may reduce a couple’s intimacy - including potential negative impacts on their sex life.
A person may also miss the sense of security brought by sharing their bed with a partner. “[‘Sleep divorce’] can lead to lighter sleep as they remain in surveillance mode, listening for safety threats within the sleep environment,” say Summer and Dr. Peters. “When a bed partner is present, this may provide reassurance and reduce insomnia.”
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