Robert Waldinger, happiness expert: “Don’t say ‘everything will be alright’ in times of uncertainty; it’s better to say ‘maybe, we’ll see’”

If anyone knows the anatomy of a smile, it’s Robert Waldinger. The Harvard psychiatrist—who also serves as an author, researcher, and director of the Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Psychodynamic Therapy and Research—is one of the world’s leading authorities on what truly makes us happy.

And like many brilliant minds, especially those who study something as intangible as happiness, Waldinger doesn’t rely on traditional teaching methods. Instead, he turns to an ancient Chinese parable to explain one of the core pillars of emotional well‑being.

The parable of master Zhaozhou

Waldinger recently revisited a story dating back to the early 9th century, a conversation between the Zen Master Zhaozhou and one of his students.

“In the 8th century, China was thriving in the arts, sciences, and philosophy. It was a golden age,” he explains. “But everything changed almost overnight. The An Lushan Rebellion triggered a decade of civil war, famine, and disease so devastating that two out of every three people in China died during that period.”

It was, he says, “a time of horror and total collapse.” And it was in the aftermath of that chaos that the exchange between Zhaozhou and his student took place.

The student asked a question that feels just as relevant today:“When times of great difficulty come to us, how should we receive them?”

Zhaozhou’s answer was disarmingly simple:“Welcome.”

Waldinger unpacks the lesson: “It meant then what it means now—our only real option is to welcome whatever comes. At the deepest level, it’s a reminder that everything changes. Nothing is permanent. We can either pretend the world stays the same, or we can face change head‑on and accept it.”

How to apply this teaching today

Waldinger emphasizes that none of us can be certain how life will unfold. That uncertainty, he says, is exactly why acceptance is so healing.

“The alternative is what the old Zen masters called ‘illusory certainty’—being too sure of what’s coming,” he explains. He encourages us to let go of those false certainties and instead navigate the real waters of life—waters that are always shifting—with courage and the comfort of knowing that every human being faces the same tides.

“We don’t have to figure everything out ahead of time,” he says. “We don’t need to know what’s going to happen, or even what we’ll do as things unfold.”

Then he distills the idea into a simple, almost playful summary:“We just have to stay awake and aware. And not give up.”

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