Single? no partner? No problem: A list of ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day if you’re alone

Valentine’s Day can be a challenging day for singles. Whether you have been single for a while, just went through a breakup, or your special someone has passed away, seeing others celebrate their love can bring feelings of loneliness and heartache. Though it might be impossible to avoid these feelings completely, here are a few ways to reduce those tough feelings.

Firstly, it’s completely normal to feel upset. It is better to recognize and name those feelings rather than try to avoid them by drinking or engaging in other attempts to numb the pain. The thoughts that bring about those feelings are just thoughts and don’t need to be turned into whips that you use to lash yourself with. Though it may seem that couples are broadcasting their love in ways that you find grating or that trigger sadness, plenty of those same people have spent Valentine’s Day alone, too. The pain of heartbreak can feel exacerbated on Valentine’s Day, but remember that regardless of how unique your pain feels, most adults have experienced it. Songs have been sung, poems have been written, and movies have been produced that attempt to reach out to the audience and say, “I may not know exactly what happened, but I know what you are feeling.”

Check-in with yourself

I remember listening to a podcast that talked about heartbreak, which included the helpful reminder that the people in your life who are now in happy—or unhappy—relationships probably went through heartache in their journey to their current partner. It’s part of the deal. So, if you are feeling a pull towards dwelling on the past, maybe instead try to think about what your dating goals are for the coming year. Ask yourself some questions: Are you ready to date? Are you ready for a new relationship? Do you have a crush? How far outside of your comfort zone are you willing to go for love? Would you ask a stranger for their number at a coffee shop? Would you attend a speed dating event? It is also important to ask yourself what you are looking for in a partner. Oftentimes, with dating, we become so focused on presenting ourselves in a way we feel will entice the other person that we forget to consider if we are enticed by them.

Next, treat yourself.

Take the advice of the cast of Parks and Recreation and “treat yourself!”

Chocolate, ice cream, flowers, a nice dinner, a bubble bath, going out with friends. Whatever feels good, indulge using your best judgment of what will feel good, not only on Valentine’s Day but the day after, a week after, or a month after. In other words, avoid getting drunk enough to call your ex. Do you have other friends that are single? Hit them up for a night in or a night out. Company can prevent your brain from wandering and lower the likelihood you overwhelm your nervous system with cheesy tributes of love on social media.

Reduce the pressure

Lastly, though the media can make it appear like spending Valentine’s Day alone reflects something about your self-worth or character, it doesn’t. The issue with thinking that it does is that it can lower your self-confidence and self-esteem in the dating game. Finding a partner is not about finding someone who is willing to love you; it is about finding someone that you want to love, that you want to share a life with, that you want in your corner when life gets hard.

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