The honest truth about bad parenting buys: a mom’s regret list of kids purchases

The trampoline arrived just as Sonia Heldt’s kids stopped caring about trampolines. It was big, it was expensive, and it sat largely unused – one more object in the family’s growing museum of good intentions. In her latest column for Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung’s “Schlaflos” series, Heldt reflects with humor and honesty on the many parenting purchases she wishes she’d never made.

The piece, titled “Was wir uns als Eltern nicht hätten anschaffen sollen” (“What We Shouldn’t Have Bought as Parents”), isn’t a list of buyer’s remorse. It’s a sharper, more thoughtful look at the habits and hopes that lead so many parents into the same trap: spending money in the name of love, structure, or enrichment, only to end up with clutter – and a gnawing sense of waste.

Why many parenting purchases are more about guilt than need

Heldt, a mother and journalist, takes aim at the idea that good parenting can be purchased. She recalls buying stacks of educational toys, convenience gadgets, and “must-have” products, only to find them ignored or outgrown almost immediately. A snack maker meant to simplify meal prep just took up counter space. The elaborate board games never beat the appeal of a cardboard box or a favorite stick. And the trampoline? It became a monument to timing that missed the moment.

But her real target isn’t the products themselves. It’s the mindset behind them. Many of the things she bought were less about her children’s needs and more about her own anxieties – about being a good mother, about keeping up, about doing everything “right.” Some purchases, she admits, came from trying to compensate for guilt, time pressures, or a sense of not being enough.

How parental anxiety fuels unnecessary spending

Heldt’s tone is dry, not dour. She’s not scolding anyone. If anything, she’s extending a hand to other parents who look at their overstuffed storage rooms and wonder where things went sideways. The point isn’t to feel bad. It’s to recognize how easily good intentions can become expensive distractions.

Her reflections echo broader concerns many parents face: how consumer culture, peer pressure, and idealized visions of family life combine to create a bloated idea of what children really need. And once you’ve bought into that idea – literally – it can be hard to stop.

Are you buying for your child – or for yourself?

Toward the end of the column, Heldt arrives at a quieter insight: that much of what makes childhood meaningful doesn’t come from objects, but from time, attention, and flexibility. The lesson isn’t to never buy anything. It’s to buy more slowly, more intentionally, and with an honest eye on who you’re really trying to please.

Her takeaway? Parenting is full of uncertainty, and sometimes we reach for stuff to soothe that feeling. But the best things we can give our kids don’t always come in a box – and they almost never need assembly.

For more columns in the “Schlaflos” series, visit Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung. Sonia Heldt’s full piece, in German, is available on FAZ.NET.

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