These are the phrases grandparents should never say to their grandchildren, and why, according to pediatric experts

The holidays are a perfect time for family bonding, but if you’re a grandparent, some of the things you say – even lovingly – can cause unintended harm. Pediatric experts warn that a few common phrases can chip away at your grandchild’s confidence, comfort, or trust.

What not to say to kids of others

Why “Don’t tell your parents” is riskier than it seems

That whisper about sneaking cookies or bending bedtime rules may feel playful, but according to Atlanta clinical psychologist Zainab Delawalla, speaking with HuffPost, it subtly teaches kids to keep secrets from their parents. That can create long-term problems around trust and boundaries, and not just in your family.

Avoid comments about weight, food, or how much they’ve grown

“You’re getting so big!” may sound like a compliment, but pediatric psychologist Ann-Louise Lockhart told HuffPost that comments on body size or eating habits can shape negative self-image that sticks for years. The same goes for remarks like “You ate more than I did!” or “Have you lost weight?” Try showing interest in who they are, not what they look like.

Respect their boundaries – and their parents

Forcing hugs, kisses, or saying “Your parents are wrong about…” can feel affectionate or honest to you. But to a child, it may feel intrusive or confusing. Psychotherapist Andrea Dorn said phrasing affection as a choice (“Can I give you a hug?”) is far healthier and helps kids understand consent.

And if you don’t agree with how your grandkids are being raised? Keep it between you and your adult children. Criticizing mom or dad in front of the kids only puts them in the middle.

As Dorn puts it: “It’s never too late to start being more mindful of how you approach interactions with your grandchildren.”

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