This is how the ‘7-38-55 Rule’ works: the psychological secret to having exceptionally high emotional intelligence

We go through life on autopilot. When someone politely asks “how’s everything?” the response “great, thanks!” comes so quickly it barely sounds convincing. Are they genuinely asking how we are, or is it just a greeting? That’s why we settle into clichés, default responses, never pausing to dig deeper. Few people truly ask, “how are you, really?” And we know exactly who we can be honest with.

Why your words matter less than you think

Still, there’s a language just as telling as words – and it has nothing to do with gestures. Psychology has identified a formula of sorts that reveals more about us than we might like to admit. You can say you’re fine, but slumped shoulders, darting eyes and a jittery leg betray you. The same goes for positive feelings – a smile you can’t help when talking about something you love gives you away long before your words do.

The 7-38-55 rule doesn’t mean words don’t matter. It just reminds us that they’re only one part of the message. When emotions run high or something truly matters, people don’t just hear what we say – they feel how we say it. Smiles can show in the eyes, not just the lips. Saying “thank you” is about more than just seven letters – it’s about the warmth of your tone, your body language, and the sense of genuine appreciation you convey.

“I’m fine” rarely convinces

This principle was developed in 1967 by Armenian-American psychologist Dr Albert Mehrabian while at UCLA. It suggests that nonverbal communication – tone and body language – often has more influence on how our message is perceived than the actual words. The rule applies primarily when we express emotions or attitudes.

But here’s the catch: it only holds when there’s a disconnect between what’s said and how it’s said, something Mehrabian clarifies in the above interview.. If you say you don’t like someone, but your voice, energy and eyes say otherwise – or if you insist you’re fine, but everything else screams the opposite – then the listener will trust your nonverbal cues. In those moments, 93% of the meaning is taken from what’s not said, leaving just 7% to the actual words.

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