Walter Riso, psychologist: “The more self-love a person has, the less fear of loss they have”

Most of us have heard that you can’t truly love others until you learn to love yourself. It sounds cliché, but psychologist Walter Riso says the science backs it up — and ignoring it may be hurting your emotional health more than you think.

In a recent TikTok video shared by ‘Aprendemos Juntos’, an educational platform created by BBVA, Riso breaks down why genuine self-love isn’t an indulgence. It’s a mental health tool.

According to him, the level of self-respect you carry quietly shapes how you cope with loss, how you build relationships, and how you handle criticism — including the criticism you direct at yourself.

“The more self-love you have, the less you fear losing someone”

Riso explains that people with a healthy sense of self-worth recover more easily from emotional pain and navigate conflict without falling apart.

“The more self-love a person has, the less fear they have of loss,” he says. “They process grief better, have a stronger self-image, know how to set boundaries, and defend their rights.”

He adds that self-love reduces emotional vulnerability and helps protect against depression and anxiety — two of the most common mental health struggles in the U.S.

Why perfectionism destroys your self-worth

Riso doesn’t hold back when naming the biggest threat to self-love.

“The worst enemy of self-love is perfectionism,” he warns. “It dehumanizes you, wants you to be infallible, and it doesn’t let you be vulnerable.”

Research supports his claim: people with healthy self-esteem tend to show more empathy and are less likely to act from anger or resentment. In other words, loving yourself helps you treat others better too.

Self-interest isn’t selfish — it’s necessary

Before closing his message, Riso challenges a belief many people carry: that caring for yourself somehow conflicts with loving others.

“Self-interest isn’t bad,” he says. “Why would it be wrong for me to care about myself? Why is it incompatible with loving another person?”

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