Donald Trump uses offensive slur as he lashes out at Belichick ‘snub’

Donald Trump’s to-do list that he wrote during his early-morning bowel movements probably didn’t go anything like threaten Iran, fire Kristi Noem, return Stephen Miller rubber mask for larger size, bulk buy Melania film tickets, tweet about Belichick HOF snub, but somehow the latter snuck its way into his mind as he took to social media to tip into our mouths the juice that is squeezed from the grinding cogs within the case that houses his brain.

Graceful chopstick fingers dancing rhythmically over his phone screen like mating dragonflies, he confirmed the passage into a new era of humanity’s most complex and multi-dimensional piece of art: the English language. Standing on the shoulders vertically challenged giants, his tech bro friends, Trump garbled in a homophobic message:

“It is the same mindset that gave pro football the new and unwatchable ‘Sissy’ Kickoff Rule, that made it possible for Bill Belichick to not be elected into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Both are ridiculous and should be overturned!”

Thousands upon thousands of years of linguistic evolution. For that.

Reaction from the sporting world has been intense, but the politician wading in like the school bully to a buffet has once again seen the two worlds collide, and his opining of decisions being overturned another tick on the Vol. 2 guidebook of How to be an Authortarian. His public feelings on the NFL are nothing new, as he recently posted a message on his own social media site that criticised the kick-off times of the games within the league, writing:

“The Army-Navy Game is one of our Greatest American Traditions — Unmatched Patriotism, Courage, and Honor! This incredible Tradition is now at risk of being pushed aside by more College Playoff Games, and Big TV Money. NOT ANYMORE!”

“Under my Administration, the second Saturday in December belongs to Army-Navy, and ONLY Army-Navy! I will soon sign a Historic Executive Order securing an EXCLUSIVE 4 hour Broadcast window, so this National Event stands above Commercial Postseason Games. No other Game or Team can violate this Time Slot!!!”

Despite the mention of “big TV money”, this proposed move would benefit CBS and Paramount, owned by his close ally and prominent supporter of the Israeli regime, Larry Ellison. His other friend is Bill Belichick, which probably allows us to understand why he was thinking about him on the toilet.

Get your game on! Whether you’re into NFL touchdowns, NBA buzzer-beaters, world-class soccer goals, or MLB home runs, our app has it all. Dive into live coverage, expert insights, breaking news, exclusive videos, and more – plus, stay updated on the latest in current affairs and entertainment. Download now for all-access coverage, right at your fingertips – anytime, anywhere.