Haaland is indeed human, according to Nathan Ake
Erling Haaland is making headlines with his ridiculous goals which have led his teammate Jack Grealish and many others to believe he’s not human.
Manchester City’s biggest star right now is Erling Haaland. Haaland has 28 goals in 22 Champions League games, just one goal behind Patrick Kluviert’s total, which he achieved in 71 games. Which is…pretty ridiculous.
“Now, he’s much, much more involved, not just to score a goal,” said Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola. “But we know when we arrive in the final third, in the box, he has a special instinct to know exactly where the ball is going to finish, to put it in the net, and that’s why he’s an exceptional striker.”
Haaland is so exceptional that there have been some rumors going around that perhaps the Norweigan is not actually a human. In fact, there was even a petition started to kick him out of the Premier League as non-humans should not be allowed to play.
Since Manchester City signed Haaland, he has netted 20 goals in 13 games in all competitions. His goal in Saturday’s 4-0 win over Southampton made Haaland the fastest player to reach 15 Premier League goals, obliterating the previous record. He also became just the second City player to score in seven consecutive Premier League games since Sergio Aguero in 2019.
“This guy, I think he’s got everything,” said Haaland’s teammate Nathan Ake. “Left foot, right foot, goal scorer. As I said before, fast, strong, but also good with his feet.”
Ake also raved about what a good person Haaland is, which of course would imply that he is, in fact, a person.
A reporter asked Ake about the jokes that Haaland is not human, asking, “have you checked?”. Ake said, “No, no, I’m sure he is!”.
So there you have it, folks. Ake checked it out…I won’t speculate on how, but he seems sure! Haaland is indeed human. Super human, but still human.
Manchester City will play Denmark today for Matchday 4 of the 2022/2023 UEFA Champions League group stage. Find out how and where you can watch on TV or online, or follow along with our live text coverage right here on AS USA.