What’s behind the 80/20 rule? Keys to understand the phenomenon from “Adolescence”

In the four-part Netflix series “Adolescence”, a 13-year-old boy - Jamie - is accused of a serious crime. While being questioned by a psychologist, he explains that a young girl in his grade had accused him of being an “incel” - short for involuntary celibate. This is, unfortunately, not a made-up idea for the show. Incels are a very real community of men who are part of the broader “manosphere”, an online subculture with toxic ideas around masculinity, often deeply anti-feminist and misogynistic.

In the series, Jamie tells the psychologist that he looked into the incel culture but that he didn’t really like it. However, he did agree with one theory the incels preach - the 80/20 rule.

The 80/20 Rule: Science or Bro Lore?

Let’s just start this off by stating right away that the 80/20 rule is not backed by actual science. Rather, it is internet pseudopsychology which is used to justify resentment of women in these male incel communities.

Now that we have that part out of the way, here’s what the rule itself says: 80% of women are attracted to 20% of men. In other words, women hold all the power to decide when and with whom to have sex, because they’re pickier than men. As another student in the character Jamie’s school explains, ”Women, you must trick them because you’ll never get them in a normal way. 80% of women are cut off… she’s saying he’ll always be an incel.“

A study published in “Science Direct”, which analyzed 3,600 Tinder interactions among 23-year-olds in Belgium showed that women on dating apps tend to be more selective than men on dating apps. Studies like that are used by the incel community as evidence that the 80/20 rule is real, and this ideology is toxic and dangerous.

A joint study from NYU and the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office explains how incel communities radicalize young men, painting them as victims of female empowerment and biological injustice. They believe they are owed sex, but blame their lack of romantic or sexual success on their looks, viewing attractive men as their oppressors. In some cases, their anger turns into violence. This is exactly what happens in the series, but it’s also what’s been happening more and more often in reality. Some of those who’ve committed violent acts against women have even been praised as “heroes” in these online circles.

The reality of the dating app gender imbalance

A 2023 study conducted by the Pew Research Center showed that 34% of men use dating apps compared to 27% of women, but that women tend to get more matches. However, the study also revealed that the intentions of men and women differ greatly.

31% of men say they use dating apps to find casual sex, compared to just 13% of women. Women are also much more likely to report receiving unsolicited sexual messages, harassment, and aggressive follow-ups after rejecting someone. Meanwhile, men report frustration over a lack of matches.

Argentine psychoanalyst Luciano Lutereau explains that men are often acting on the potential for desire than by desire itself - liking profiles and starting conversations - but are not necessarily actually interested or serious.

Dating apps have removed the illusion that one person is special and unique and instead gives people limitless options. The 80/20 rule is not the truth. It’s a story that gives certain people an excuse to stop trying, blame others, or worse...lash out.

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