Banksying, the trendy new way to break up with your partner: “It’s super cruel”

Ending a relationship is always a painful experience that no one wants to go through. Usually, a breakup simmers slowly until suddenly the pot, the oven, the microwave, and—who knows—the air fryer all explode, leaving a complete mess. And now, as if that wasn’t enough, love experts have coined a term to describe a certain type of breakup: banksying. New fear unlocked.

Banksying is essentially about preparing a breakup. That is, you gradually plan how the moment will happen but don’t tell your partner what’s coming. For example, communication becomes increasingly scarce, and short- or mid-term plans start to disappear. The love fades away.

“It’s the slow and silent death of the couple. You fall out of love quietly,” explained Lara Ferreiro, psychologist for the dating app Ashley Madison and expert in couples and emotional addiction, in an interview with 20 Minutos. The expert says banksying “is super cruel” because “on an individual level, it’s very profitable.”

According to statistics, one in four people has practiced it in a relationship—meaning 25%. The term originates from the artist Banksy, who, after auctioning one of his works for 1.8 million euros, allowed the painting to self-destruct in front of thousands of spectators. The artist created a mechanism that shredded the canvas if it left the original frame. In other words, Banksy planned the destruction of his work and didn’t tell anyone.

In relationship terms, banksying refers to when a person abruptly ends their relationship but plans the breakup without warning their partner.

This person plans the timing, place, and circumstances of the breakup as part of a well-thought-out strategy. While executing the plan, they pretend everything is fine, keep up appearances, and at a certain moment, they pull the trigger—causing severe emotional consequences for the other person.

Studies show that the duration of banksying can vary, but observations indicate it usually lasts between three and six months, with a maximum of one year.

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