Can your kid share? TikTok’s viral cookie challenge shows you

A recent TikTok trend, the “cookie challenge,” sees parents testing their children’s willingness to share. The standard set-up is simple: each parent and the child has a covered plate in front of them. When the cover is taken off, the child has two cookies, one adult has one and the other has none. The idea is that the reaction of the child can give insights into their understanding of fairness and sharing. Will the child offer to share unprompted? Will they discuss the situation of unfairness?

Here are some excellent examples:

There are various different things going on in the cookie challenge, so let’s take a look. Because it’s not just as simple as the child is doing it wrong if they don’t share.

What is sharing and when does it start in humans?

Sharing is voluntarily giving up a portion of one’s resources for the benefit of others. It’s a foundational social behavior that fosters cooperation and social bonding. For children, sharing is not innate but develops over time through social interactions and guidance.

At age 2 children don’t fully grasp what sharing is and if they do it, they may be simply mimicking sharing behaviors. Genuine, empathetic sharing, which is motivated by concern for others, tends to appear around ages 4 to 5.

But even then, sharing can be highly context-dependent: kids may share more with friends or when prompted, and less when resources feel limited or when adult supervision is absent. Sharing remains highly context-dependent throughout life, and individual personalities begin to affect how much a person shares. We all know adults who share more or less than others.

In the cookie challenge, do the kids know they can share?

One important factor to consider in the cookie challenge is that some kids may not realize that sharing is actually an option. Especially at younger ages, children often interpret structured setups such as this as fixed scenarios with rules they don’t control. If no one explicitly tells them they can share, they may assume the two cookies are simply “theirs,” with no expectation or even possibility to distribute them. In these cases, a lack of sharing may not reflect selfishness or a lack of empathy, but simply a misunderstanding of the social possibilities available to them.

Check out this TikTok, where it appears that the child hasn’t really considered that offering a cookie is a possibility. Instead she comforts her mother (clearly a behavior most parents would be keen to encourage) about her lack of cookie, until prompted to offer one by the social cues of “What is mommy going to eat”.

Do humans understand fairness, and at what age?

Children begin to grasp the concept of fairness around the age of three. At this stage, they start recognizing equal distribution and may express concerns when they perceive inequality. However, the ability to consistently act on this understanding varies and continues to develop throughout early childhood (and, some might argue, into adulthood).

What is theory of mind in terms of someone wanting a cookie?

Theory of mind refers to the ability to understand that others have thoughts, desires, and perspectives different from one’s own. In the context of the cookie challenge, a child demonstrating theory of mind would recognize that the parent without a cookie might want a cookie and feel disappointed because they didn’t get one, and, as a result, choose to share. This cognitive skill typically starts to emerge between ages three and five.

At what age can children count, and do they need to count for the cookie test?

Children usually begin rote counting by age two, reciting numbers without understanding quantity. By ages three to four, they develop one-to-one correspondence, linking numbers to specific quantities. In the cookie challenge, however precise counting isn’t necessary; children can often subitize, meaning to instantly recognize small quantities and the differences between them, allowing them to notice who has more or less without counting.

How can parents help children learn to share?

Parents can foster sharing by modeling the behavior themselves, praising sharing when it occurs, and creating opportunities for cooperative play. It’s key to understand that forced sharing may lead to resistance, which can be counter-productive, when young children do not innately share. Instead, encouraging turn-taking and discussing feelings can help children develop empathy and a genuine willingness to share.

Why should children learn to share in a capitalist society?

While capitalist societies often emphasize individual success and competition, sharing remains a vital social skill. It promotes empathy, cooperation, and community, all qualities essential for societal harmony and to allow individuals to live fulfilling lives as part of society.

Teaching children to share prepares them to navigate social relationships effectively, balancing personal ambition with collective well-being.

Is the cookie challenge useful for assessing development?

While the cookie challenge offers a fun, informal glimpse into a child’s social behavior, psychologists would not recommend it as a tool to assess cognitive development.

The child’s decision to share or not can be influenced by so many different factors, including mood, hunger, personality, or simply misunderstanding the challenge itself.

If parents have concerns about a child’s development, experts advise seeking guidance from a pediatrician or child psychologist, who can use standardized assessments to evaluate cognitive, social, and emotional milestones more accurately.

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