Cristina Polo, psychologist: “The more stress you feel, the more you demand of yourself—and it becomes a cycle that is difficult to break”

The mental load carried by women has become a central topic in contemporary psychology when analyzing how responsibilities are distributed in everyday life. Beyond visible household or workplace tasks, there is a set of invisible cognitive processes, such as planning, anticipating needs, organizing activities, and remembering family responsibilities, that many women take on constantly.

From a psychological perspective, this phenomenon is understood as a form of sustained mental effort that can influence emotional well-being, stress levels, and the perception of balance between personal, family, and professional life. Examining mental load helps us understand how gender roles, social expectations, and family dynamics shape psychological health and the distribution of unpaid work in society.

These dynamics appear to be slow to change, as psychologist Cristina Polo from yees! explains: “I believe that despite all the social changes, many women still carry most of the domestic and family responsibilities. I am not only referring to the more visible tasks such as cooking, cleaning, or caring for children, but also everything involved in planning, anticipating, and coordinating family life, which is what we call mental load. That constant pressure, combined with our professional aspirations, creates a fairly intense emotional and mental burden.”

“Mental load is often invisible but equally exhausting. It is the work of always thinking about what is coming next, making sure everything runs smoothly, making sure no one forgets anything. It means always being mentally active, even when we are resting. Our minds often do not stop. That constant anticipation and planning leave very little room to disconnect and take care of ourselves. It means carrying many things in the background at all times,” she adds.

How mental load shows up

Polo also explains that this mental load frequently appears in therapy sessions as stress, fatigue, and anxiety, even when outwardly “everything seems under control.”

“Many women feel they can never keep up, that life moves too quickly, and that even when they delegate tasks they still carry the responsibility of making sure everything goes well. It is a type of silent pressure that can gradually wear someone down. Over time it can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of invisibility. It also makes it harder to prioritize self-care and leisure, which in turn fuels anxiety and the feeling of never being fully satisfied with what you do.”

Mental load is also linked to another experience that many women report: guilt.

“Guilt appears because many women internalize the idea that we must do everything well, on time, and without mistakes, both at home and at work. That social and cultural message turns into a very demanding inner dialogue. When we finally try to rest or take time for ourselves, we feel that we are failing. That increases anxiety and self-criticism, affecting our well-being and our ability to enjoy the present moment.”

For Polo, the root of the problem lies in self-imposed pressure and multitasking.

“It is a very powerful combination that generates mental and emotional overload. Trying to keep track of several things at once, wanting to do everything well, and not allowing yourself breaks can lead to psychological fatigue, frustration, and sometimes the feeling that you never manage to get everything done. This dynamic feeds itself. The more stress you feel, the more you push yourself, and it becomes a cycle that is difficult to break.”

“At the same time, what I see is that many women develop resilience, strong organizational skills, the ability to anticipate challenges, and the capacity to solve complex problems. They also show great empathy and leadership skills, because carrying so many responsibilities requires managing both their own emotions and those of others at the same time. These are very valuable qualities,” she concludes.

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