Experts explain the dating trend that’s breaking hearts online: it’s lose-lose, not win-win
When selecting a partner to date, some people are very clearly playing a game, but not one they’re likely to win.
OK, relationships are not new. Every ‘latest trend’ that hits you on TikTok or Instagram may be sold as something fresh, but generally speaking it’s just been repackaged. We love a concept, a buzzword, a viral trope.
And so to Shrekking, the term chosen – rather cruelly some may say – and it’s added an extra element of confusion for online, or occasional offline, daters everywhere.
What is Shrekking?
First things first, an explainer (note that I’ve assumed every single reader has seen, or at least heard of, the animated movie). Shrekking is not about posting swamp selfies or quoting Lord Farquaad. It’s actually when someone purposefully “dates down,” picking a partner they’re not attracted to.
“Why would they do this?” I hear you scream. Well, the idea is that they believe they’ll be treated better. I mean, they’ve downgraded so you should be grateful, right? Not quite.
Does Shrekking work?
Sometimes surely this tactic will work. A partner seemingly aware that he/she is with someone, as they say, ‘out of their league’. But online mutterings suggest those that lower their attraction bar often just end up hurt, and this even has it’s own term: ‘getting Shrekked’. One dating coach likened it to dating an ogre without the princess treatment.
Relationship experts point to the fact that joint attraction tends to grow from shared values, rather than physical factors, with honesty an important underlying aspect. Shrekking taps into deeper insecurities around attraction and kindness. There’s also the added inadequacy element that could start to fester over time, possibly showing itself through jealousy. Never a good thing in a relationship.
To Shrek, or not to Skrek? That is the question
So, while Shrekking may be a new term, it’s an ancient mistake. It’s not enough to settle for someone just because they seem “safe,” as real connection doesn’t hinge on looks alone.
Instead, experts say you should find someone who respects you, challenges you, and aligns with your values. Oh, and yes, if you happen to like how they look, that’s clearly a massive bonus.
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