Experts warn of the “roommate” phase in couples: “It is very hard to escape”
It comes when you only talk to your partner about children, work, family, chores, obligations, shopping, planning, with no room for intimacy.
Do you and your partner only talk about the kids, work, chores, schedules, and daily responsibilities? If deep conversations, quality time, and physical connection have taken a backseat, you may have entered what experts call the “roommate phase”—and getting out of it can be a challenge.
Routine, work stress, and parenting can turn a once passionate and fulfilling relationship into a series of logistical conversations. Instead of intimacy, the focus shifts to responsibilities, leaving little room for emotional or physical connection.
What is the “roommate phase” in relationships?
Experts use the term “roommate phase” to describe couples who coexist in the same space but have lost the romantic and emotional depth they once shared. While many people associate intimacy primarily with physical connection, relationship specialists emphasize that deep companionship, understanding, and shared experiences are equally vital.
According to Dr. Jill Dzadey, feeling stuck in this phase or disconnected from your partner at certain points in life is completely normal. However, she stresses that this should not lead to resentment or criticism but rather be recognized and actively addressed.
One key to rekindling intimacy, she explains, is to create meaningful moments together—not necessarily in the bedroom or even at home, but in ways that foster emotional connection. This could mean planning new experiences, breaking away from routine, and moving beyond societal expectations of what romance “should” look like.
What kills intimacy in long-term relationships?
Spanish sexologist Sonia Encinas offers a crucial perspective on how intimacy evolves over time, especially after marriage, children, and demanding careers. “Desire isn’t linear or automatic—it shifts with context. Passion in a relationship needs space, intention, and new experiences to thrive,” she explains.
Encinas outlines the biggest intimacy killers in long-term relationships:
- Poor communication
- Lack of attention and emotional connection
- Unequal distribution of responsibilities
- Chronic exhaustion and stress
- Taking each other for granted
- Not prioritizing time for individual self-care
- Forgetting to show affection, both physically and verbally
She also highlights a critical misunderstanding: “Differences in desire levels are normal and not a problem in themselves. The issue arises when couples don’t know how to manage these differences in a way that makes both partners feel valued and fulfilled. What we must stop normalizing is having sex as an obligation just to ‘maintain’ the relationship.”
Original article written by Laura Martin Sanjuan, translated with the assistance of AI and edited by Greg Heilman.
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