psychology

These are the 5 things people with high emotional intelligence do when they’re angry, based on psychology

How we deal with our emotions affects our overall sense of well being. Let’s look as how smart people react when someone upsets them.

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Andy Hall

Update: Jul 5th, 2025 08:25 EDT

Anger is a basic human emotion, one that all of experience to a lesser or greater degree in our daily lives. It’s also a complex emotion because people deal with their own feelings of anger, frustration or rage in different ways. There are many reasons for that, such as our emotional development from childhood, life experience, cognitive behavior (thoughts, beliefs, attitudes)...

The best way to regulate anger is not to vent right away. It’s to calm down first.

154 studies: Deep breathing, meditation & yoga are better antidotes to aggression than yelling, punching & running.

Anger management is about lowering your heart rate, not raising it. Relaxing… pic.twitter.com/1T1vv4ksG7
— Adam Grant (@AdamMGrant) April 23, 2024

Ways to manage anger

Fear and anger are similar emotions which arise when we perceive a threat to our safety - these feelings thrust us into survival mode. Both trigger a “fight or flight” response. Anger manifests itself in many ways from hostility, aggression and in the worst cases can lead to physical violence.

Expressing our anger when we feel wronged or violated is not a defect or character flaw, but there are techniques that those with high emotional intelligence use to manage it. Dr. Juli Fraga, a practicing psychologist with over 20 years experience explains the best ways to handle conflict and turn awkward situations into something you can deal with.

Put your feelings into words, don't suppress your anger
Most of us suppress our anger but it actually does more harm than good to let an uncomfortable situation simmer, then deal with it directly later.
Supressing anger can be harmful for your own mental health in the long run as it can make you feel irritable or depressed.
Putting your anger into words - writing it all down on paper is a process known as “affect labeling” which helps to calm you down and lower blood pressure.
Don’t act out your anger, talk about it
Physical responses such as yelling insults, slamming doors, breaking objects isn't the right way to go. Emotionally intelligent people don't challenge their rage to turn it into a weapon.
If someone has hurt you or crossed a boundary, it is better to talk to them about it rather than stay silent. Broach the subject with them calmly, explaining to them why their behavior hurt you.
Take responsibility for your anger
Don't blame your anger on others, take responsibility and ask yourself: “What part of this can I deal with and what is out of my control?”
It is a waste of time and energy trying to force someone to apologize - and equally as frustrating. Look at what is within your control - take a few deep breaths, maybe go for a walk, try to do something positive which will help you relax.
Turn anger into something positive
Some people channel their anger into changing situations, directing their efforts into making a bad situation better.
Giving, volunteering or helping your community will make you feel good about yourself. and conveys empathy, which will boost your mood.
Try to learn omething from your anger
Some one seething with anger has negative connotations but it happens to all of us. Try to gain a better understanding of the emotion and hopefully learn from it.
Ask yourself if your anger is telling you that something needs to change - a relationship that has run its course, a job that makes you unhappy...
If your anger is related to events in your past, maybe seek professional help to help you heal old wounds.
And remember that anger is never the enemy - it can help guide you to develop and flourish into a better person.

These are the 5 things people with high emotional intelligence do when they’re angry, based on psychology

Ways to manage anger

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