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Leganés 2-1 Real Valladolid match report: the game that never was

Leganés played Valladolid on Saturday afternoon in a game that absolutely did not take place as they tried to relieve some of our coronavirus blues.

Leganés 2-1 Real Valladolid match report: the game that never was

Note: this game absolutely did not happen but Leganés decided to play out the game on Twitter as if it did. We decided to write a brief match report for future generations who might not believe us when we tell them just how bizarre a time this was.

Real Valladolid travelled to Leganés on Saturday afternoon for what was a six-pointer relegation scrap. With the coronavirus as a backdrop, the club only sold tickets with odd numbers and season ticket holders with even-numbered seats were told to stay at home and follow live on Twitter.

In an unusually quiet Butarque, Valladolid started better. Pichu Cuellar was forced into an early save after four minutes. “No consequences,” said Leganés’ official twitter account.

It was Leganés who struck first, Óscar the goal-scorer. Valladolid took the social distancing guidelines too literally and he walloped it into the back of the net. On loan from Real Madrid, it is unknown whether there was any scouts from his parent club on hand. News of this performance will spread quickly though as he dominated the game and gave his side an important lead.

Siovas, their Greek god central defender, had to rush off in the middle of the first half and Leganés were thanking their lucky stars they had stocked up on toilet paper. Yes, it was Leganés who cleared every Mercadona in and around Madrid of toilet rolls, cucumbers and bread.

At the break, Javier Aguirre, Leganés manager, gave out Netflix passwords to the crowd in an effort to battle cabin fever and recommended everyone watch Ken Burns’ Vietnam Documentary, Uncut Gems and Godless aswell as the Malcolm X Documentary - a cultured chap is Javi. He also mentioned Succession on HBO and maybe a re-binge of The Sopranos but told the waiting crowds that he couldn’t share his password for that particular streaming service given its three-device limit. They were left disappointed but the second half got underway and it was more than anyone could have imagined.

After the break, Unal had Valladolid level. He shot “from his house” and scored to set us up nicely for a finish. How would it all play out? It was impossible to tell. Guido Carillo responded and scored the winner after 75 minutes after hitting the ol’ ‘Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B A start’ cheat code from the right. Kiko Olivas was sent off near the end too, which seemed harsh given the fictional nature of the game.

It finished 2-1, a realistic scoreline, on a beautifully sunny but strange day in Madrid.


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