Zayn Malik’s emotional message saying goodbye to Liam Payne

Though Zayn Malik was the first member of One Direction to leave the band, his voice is still one fans wanted to hear from following the death of Liam Payne on October 15.

Before Zayn had made his feelings public, his sisters had all posted on Instagram, sharing photos of their brother with Liam during the One Direction days and expressing their sadness and disbelief.

On Instagram, Malik posted a photo of the pair and a longer message on the second panel. The emotional message begins with Zayn noting that he “found [himself] talking out loud” and reflecting on how he felt that there were “so many more conversations for [them] to have.”

Zayn explained that as a teenage on the road with the band, he often missed home, and that Liam was always there for him in though tough moments. “I never got to thank you for supporting me through some of the most difficult time in my life,” said the singer.

When I was missing home as a 17 yr old kid you would always be there with a positive outlook and reassuring smile and let me know you were my friend and that I was loved.

Zayn Malik

The singer also brought up some band history, recalling the comfort Payne’s experience in show business gave him, “I knew nothing in comparison, I was a novice child with no experience and you were already a professional. I was always happy to know, no matter what happened on stage we could always rely on you to know which way to steer the ship next,” said Malik.

Like Louis, Zayn explains the loss as losing a brother, and that he would give whatever to have been able to say goodbye.