It’s not all ‘red flags’: 6 signs that your partner is the one according to experts

Trying to find the Mr or Ms “Right” can be a challenge. Dating apps are falling out of favor with close to half of respondents to a American Survey Center survey saying the experience of using them left them feeling more pessimistic.

It doesn’t help matters that us humans are hardwired to be on the lookout for dangers and risks as part of our self-preservation instincts. So we often focus on a potential partner’s undesirable traits and behaviors that we want to steer clear of that throw up red flags for us.

However, Frankie Bashan, a clinical psychologist, board-certified sex therapist and relationship expert with over 20 years of experience says that singles should be focusing on potential partner’s positive traits, or ‘green flags’. Dr. Frankie, as she is known, says that by doing this it can help those looking for a relationship have a more successful dating life.

6 ‘green flag’ signs that your partner is the one

“We notice the orange and red flags right away, and it often scares us,” explains Dr. Frankie adding, “so we foreclose opportunities.” She told CBS News that she encourages singles to make a concerted effort to suspend “definitive” judgements made on first impressions and be more curious “taking in information” about potential partners when getting to know them. “Our brains don’t do it automatically. It has to be intentional,” she explains.

She recommends looking for the following green flags when dating:

Punctuality and keeping a planned date are qualities of someone who will be reliable says Dr. Frankie. You can determine your date’s trustworthiness by listening to the stories they share to see if they are consistent.

A person that values relationships will show this positive trait by displaying strong, valued relationships that they are invested in which aren’t with a romantic partner, such as family and friends.

Reciprocity is when they too are looking for your green flags, showing “attentive” and “focused” interest in your desires and what interests you. Truly listening to you shows that they too are curious.

Setting and respecting boundaries are important in any relationship. Wendy Walsch, a relationship expert at the website DatingAdvice with a doctorate in clinical psychology warns against “disclosing too much, too soon,” via a trauma dump when out on a date. You can judge you date’s own tolerance of boundaries by taking account of how they react if you refuse to answer something that you are uncomfortable talking about on a first encounter.

Finally, a relationship between two people needs to have balance of both togetherness and independence. If both of your relationship circles completely overlap they become “enmeshed” and that is “unhealthy” explains Walsch. Likewise, if there is no overlap, “you have no relationship security.”

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