Must read: Experts still recommend this book nearly 90 years after it was published
Books on how to improve yourself have been around basically as long as there have been books. Some though, withstand the test of time like this one.
Over 10,000 businesses books are published each year and more than 15,000 self-help books. Both saw growth that exceeded the overall growth of the total print market in 2021 and the market for them is expected to keep growing. But with all that expanding choice it can be hard to find which one is really worth reading.
Fortunately, there are experts who sift through the countless pages that are churned out every year to help narrow down which one may be a better use of your time. There is one book though that experts recommend for those who want a single tome that covers both self-improvement and business that has become a classic. It teaches you about how to deal with people and get them to see your point of view, useful skills no matter what your profession.
Looking to make friends and be influential? Then read this book
‘How to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie, an American writer and teacher, has become a classic. Published back in 1936, it was an instant best seller and over 250,000 copies are still sold each year.
Carnegie wrote several books and course booklets covering corporate training, interpersonal skills, public speaking, salesmanship and self-improvement. In ‘How to win friends and influence people’ he shares his guidance on how to win people over, not just as a friend but also to get them to think the way you want them to without causing offense or hurting their pride.
Making allies is harder than making enemies
When explaining how to get people to like you Carnegie points out the obvious, “people are interested in themselves.” So it makes sense that most of his rules for getting people to like you focus specifically on using that to your advantage. They are as follows:
- Become genuinely interested in other people
- Smile
- Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
- Talk in terms of other man’s interests
- Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely
However, when listening to them we need to avoid committing the foolish mistake of being judgmental. By controlling this urge and being understanding and forgiving you can keep them from becoming an enemy and keep them on your side.
Getting people to see your way of thinking
Once you are on friendly terms with a person it is easier to get them to see things your way. This can be achieved by using these following guidelines:
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- Begin in a friendly way
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately
- Let the other man do a great deal of talking
- Let the other man feel that the idea is his
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- Appeal to the nobler motives
- Dramatize your ideas
- Throwdown a challenge
Remember though that you cannot browbeat nor intimidate a person into following your way of thinking. Being polite and courteous can do wonders for getting them to think it was their idea in the first place.
Getting people to change
And remember that people are not logical but emotional, prideful, and vane creatures something that should be taken into consideration when dealing with them. Carnegie offers this bits of advice to get people to change without causing offense or hurting their pride:
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Ask questions instead of giving orders
- Let the other man save his face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise’
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
- Make the other person happy about doing the things you suggest
A classic self-improvement book that is still useful today
Even though ‘How to win friends and influence people’ may have been published nearly 90 years ago and times have changed considerably since then, this advice still rings true today. Perhaps even more so as people seek to strengthen their bonds of community at a time when there seems to be so much division.
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