Germany crushes the Clockwork Mandarin

Somewhere in the Caribbean, on the tiny island once colonized by the Dutch, where sick sailors were said to recover their health, giving Curaçao its name, 150,000 of the proudest people on Earth erupted when Livano Comenencia beat Manuel Neuer.

Yes, Comenencia.

Yes, Neuer.

It was a goal for the history books. A moment that will forever be remembered at the World Cup. The smallest nation ever to compete in the tournament had scored against one of its giants. The team with the fewest people had found a way past the team with four stars on its crest.

The equalizer made it 1-1, and it lasted only briefly, but Houston was stunned. Germany was stunned. The rest of the soccer world was stunned. It wasn’t supposed to happen. A national team that has only existed since 2011 had managed to surprise one of the game’s traditional powers.

Germany 7-1 Curaçao: how it happened

Given the final score, it ultimately became a footnote in the battle for qualification. But this is exactly what the 48-team World Cup was designed to create. Legendary soccer nations sharing the same stage with countries that could once only dream of competing among the elite. Curaçao is now on the soccer map and in the history books of the sport’s biggest tournament.

Germany, of course, already occupies a permanent place there. This latest version, coached by Julian Nagelsmann, is trying to emerge from years of inconsistency and rediscover its former identity. In that effort, Germany showcased a midfield pairing that feels modern rather than traditionally German. Aleksandar Pavlović and Felix Nmecha not only play well, they seem capable of playing everywhere.

Nmecha was particularly influential. His opening goal summed him up perfectly: arriving near the box, combining with Florian Wirtz and calmly finishing into the far corner. A superb strike just minutes into the game.

A rout was inevitable

Given the gap in quality between the two teams and Germany’s early lead, anything other than a blowout would have been a surprise.

That is exactly how it ended, though not without a scare.

Curaçao’s equalizer forced Germany to roll up its sleeves. Before halftime, the damage had been repaired. Nico Schlotterbeck restored the lead from a corner before Kai Havertz converted a penalty to make it 3-1.

From there, the only question was how large the margin would become.

German soccer culture has always embraced a ruthless professionalism: if the opportunity exists to score more goals, take it. Respect the opponent by playing seriously until the final whistle, whether they are a minnow or a giant.

Nagelsmann’s team followed that principle. With so much attacking talent, weak defenses are always vulnerable. Jamal Musiala added the fourth goal, while Nathaniel Brown, one of Germany’s brightest emerging talents, scored the fifth.

The substitutions only increased the momentum. Deniz Undav, one of Jürgen Klopp’s preferred attacking options, came off the bench and scored almost immediately, adding another chapter to the ongoing debate in Germany over the national team’s direction.

There was more to come.

Havertz completed his brace, and for a moment there was a sense that Germany might even challenge the famous 10-1 scoreline Hungary posted against El Salvador at the 1982 World Cup.

It never got that far.

And Curaçao can take pride in one thing.

On its World Cup debut, it scored against Germany.

Not many teams can say that.

Germany vs Curaçao: the numbers

7-1: Crushing victory

Germany scored seven times and effectively settled the match before halftime with a 3-1 lead.

3.99 expected goals

Germany generated nearly four expected goals compared to just 0.40 for Curaçao, underlining the enormous attacking gap.

27 total shots

Germany attempted 27 shots, more than three times Curaçao’s total of eight, including 12 on target.

65% possession

The Germans controlled nearly two-thirds of the ball and dictated the tempo throughout the match.

63 touches in the opposition box

Germany entered Curaçao’s penalty area 63 times, six times more often than its opponent managed at the other end.

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Germany

• 1 Neuer
• 15 Nico Schlotterbeck
• 18 Nathaniel Brown (72')
• 4 Jonathan Tah (72')
• 6 Joshua Kimmich (82')
• 10 Jamal Musiala (63')
• 17 Florian Wirtz
• 23 Felix NMecha (72')
• 19 Sane
• 5 Aleksandar Pavlovic
• 7 Kai Havertz x2
• Substitutes
• 2 Rüdiger (72')
• 14 Maximilian Beier
• 3 Waldemar Anton (82')
• 22 David Raum (72')
• 20 Nadiem Amiri
• 13 Groß
• 11 Nick Woltemade
• 26 Deniz Undav (63')
• 16 Angelo Stiller
• 21 Nübel
• 9 Jamie Leweling
• 12 Baumann
• 24 Malick Thiaw
• 8 Leon Goretzka (72')
• 25 Assan Ouédraogo

Curaçao

• 1 Eloy Room
• 24 Deveron Fonville
• 23 Bazoer
• 18 Armando Obispo
• 5 Sherel Floranus
• 21 Tahith Chong (82')
• 8 Livano Comenencia
• 7 Juninho Bacuna
• 10 Bacuna
• 12 Sontje Hansen (45')
• 9 Locadia (64')
• Substitutes
• 15 Ar'jany Martha
• 2 Shurandy Sambo
• 4 Roshon van Eijma
• 19 Gervane Kastaneer (82')
• 14 Kenji Gorre
• 17 Brandley Kuwas
• 11 Jeremy Antonisse (45')SC
• 22 Kevin Felida
• 16 Jearl Margaritha (64')
• 26 Trevor Doornbusch
• 25 Tyrick Bodak
• 3 Juriën Gaari
• 13 Tyrese Noslin
• 6 Godfried Roemeratoe
• 20 Joshua Brenet

Substitutions

Jeremy Antonisse (45', Sontje Hansen), Deniz Undav (63', Jamal Musiala), Jearl Margaritha (64', Jürgen Locadia), Leon Goretzka (72', Felix Nmecha), Antonio Rüdiger (72', Jonathan Tah), David Raum (72', Nathaniel Brown), Waldemar Anton (82', Joshua Kimmich), Gervane Kastaneer (82', Tahith Chong)

Goals

1-0, 5': Felix NMecha, 1-1, 20': Livano Comenencia, 2-1, 37': Nico Schlotterbeck, 3-1, 46': Jamal Musiala, 4-1, 49': Kai Havertz, 5-1, 67': Nathaniel Brown, 6-1, 77': Deniz Undav, 7-1, 87': Kai Havertz

Standings

Group E	Pts.	P	W	D	L
1 GER	3	1	1	0	0
2 ECU	0	0	0	0	0
3 CdM	0	0	0	0	0
4 CUR	0	1	0	0	1

Group E	Pts.	P	W	D	L
1 GER	3	1	1	0	0
2 ECU	0	0	0	0	0
3 CdM	0	0	0	0	0
4 CUR	0	1	0	0	1