Don’t drink and text: Important messaging tips from experts to avoid digital drama

The advent of text messaging has made it much easier to pass along information to others. Especially when you don’t have the time or it’s not the place to get them on the phone for a drawn-out conversation.

However, all too often these days, we’ve come to rely on texting for just about every situation and rarely ring someone up. Either out of sheer laziness or we’ve just lost the habit of conversing over the phone. But there are certain situations when you should think twice about typing a message and even more so about pressing send.

Careful when and what you text

When you’ve had a couple, you definitely shouldn’t operate heavy vehicles but neither should you be texting people. The same can go for when you are in an elevated emotional state, whether you are angry, sad or even overjoyed.

This is for the simple reason that our judgement is impaired in these situations. Not only might you send a message that might be out-of-step or contain information that is best not shared but also without other verbal and physical clues, the person on the receiving end could easily misconstrue what you are trying to say.

Reader’s Digest gives the following examples of situations where you should “think before you text”:

• Apologize: If you want it to be heartfelt best to do it face-to-face.
• Continue a fight: You may want to get in the last word, but you’re only digging a deeper hole that will be ever harder to climb out of.
• Complain about work: Not even texting is completely safe from it getting back to the boss or a future employer.
• Spread gossip: Once your text is in the wild, it can “come back to bite you in the butt,” says relationship expert and author Dawn Michael, PhD.
• Send sensitive, private information: “You don’t know who else may see this information, and it may never be completely deleted or removed from cyberspace,” explains licensed marriage and family therapist Courtney Geter.
• Bring up serious concerns: Text cannot convey the tone of what you want to discuss, best to find time for a sit-down chat.
• Deliver bad news: The person may not be in a position to receive the information at that moment and they may need to have the blow from the bad news cushioned.
• Deliver great news: The small things are fine via text but life-changing events should be shared by phone or face-to-face.
• Break up with someone: It’s tacky, hurtful and disrespectful.
• Cancel a date: Unless you are rescheduling at the same time, it can come off as if you aren’t planning any further dates.
• Issue long, one-sided diatribes: If you aren’t hearing back from someone, patience is a virtue. They may be busy or unable to respond immediately.
• Spew sadness: “You’re not opening a conversation, but simply throwing up your upset feelings on another person,” says Michael.

Why texting can get you in hot water according to experts

Humans use various signals to convey a message, not just the words themselves. Remember that “the other person can’t see your non-verbal signals,” explains Geter. This can lead to “misunderstandings” occurring over a text message says psychotherapist and relationship expert Sarah Mandel.

If you are having an argument this can leave you in a worse position than before, “because you’re not able to read facial clues or understand the intent behind the words,” Mandel explains.

Also, never impulse text, especially when worked up. Count to ten, or better yet take a walk around the block, so you can calm down and then think about whether a text needs to be sent at all or if it wouldn’t be better to pick up the phone.

You should always be able to stand by what you send in a text message as they can always be forwarded, or someone can take a screenshot of them and be shared, ending up being seen by someone for whom it wasn’t intended.

And remember nothing truly dies in cyberspace, and those ghosts have come back to haunt many years later.

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