Helicopter parents may hover over their kids, but this approach isn’t all bad. Learn about the pros and cons, plus ways to curb the smothering
Are overprotective parents who “hover” over their children actually doing more harm than good? Let’s find out.
You may have heard the term “Helicopter parenting” which refers to overprotective parents, either one or both, who “hover over” their children either literally or metaphorically to the point where it becomes a problem.
Looking out for your children is one of the basic responsibilities that every parent has. Young kids need to be given direction, taught how to do things, take responsibility themselves and crucially, understand that life isn’t perfect and there will be a lot of ups and down, pain and disappointments to navigate.
What is helicopter parenting?
That’s where helicopter parenting actually has negative consequences. While an overprotective parent might think they are shielding their kids from harm and keeping them safe, what they are actually doing is depriving them of vital life experiences. Children need to develop their own awareness of how to deal with, and overcome all of the body blows life throws at us.
And children need to be taught skills so that they can do them independently. For example how to cross the street, how to pack their schoolbag... There is a four-step method that can help parents to teach children all the skills they will need as they grow up.
Four-step method for teaching skills to children
- Step 1: Do it for them
- Step 2: Do it with them
- Step 3: You watch them do it
- Step 4: They can do it on their own, without the need for supervision.
Helicopter parenting and its adverse effects which can now be seen in young adults has become such an issue that Stanford University dean Julie Lythcott-Haims has written a book about it: “How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.”
In her book she states: “Parents protect, direct and handle so much for children today, that we prevent them from the very growth that is essential to their development into adult human beings”. Lythcott-Haims cites three types of overparenting: 1. Being overprotective. 2. Providing way too much direction 3. And doing too much hand-holding. She says, “With the best of intentions and from a loving place, we are doing too much for our children and undercutting their chances to be self-actualized, competent, capable, confident adults”.
Real-life examples of being a helicopter parent
- Preventing your child from exploring and stretching their abilities (e.g. by climbing a tree)
- Constantly shadowing you child while they play instead of allowing them time on their own
- Monitoring and controling their homework
- Shielding them from failure and disappointment
- Doing things for your child that they can do for themselves
- Doing your child's household chores for them
We hear about "helicopter parents," whose kids end up being fragile and easily-offended. Not good.
— John Stossel (@JohnStossel) April 11, 2020
Yet now, when parents do let their kids explore, "spread their wings," government often crushes them for it: pic.twitter.com/04Taidfhjg
So what happens when we micromanage our children?
Over-involvement sends the wrong message to kids. It is telling them that you don’t trust them to do something on their own and in the long-term, that leads to a lack of self-confidence.
Children that have been mollycoddled might find it hard to cope with the stress and strain of everyday life when they become an adult. Over-parenting is associated with higher levels of anxiety both in children and later in life.
And kids who have been pampered all their life might develop a sense of entitlement - because they are used to always having their way.
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