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GOLF

'Modest' Donald Trump claims hole in one in statement

Known for his demure demeanor, the former President of the United States breaks with his normal media reticence to confirm rumor about golf shot.

Update:
Known for his demure demeanor, the former President of the United States breaks with his normal media reticence to confirm rumor about golf shot.

Not known for bragging or playing up for the cameras, the retired forty-fifth President of the United States, Donald Trump, felt obligated to release a statement confirming that he had indeed hit a hole in one while playing a round of golf. Famously reticent with the media, President Trump was thrust into the spotlight by a clamoring press who demanded to know, leaving him no choice but to sheepishly admit to the feat.

Oh wait, scratch all that. Reverse it.

Assuming that the hole in one did, in fact, happen, and I understand that is a stretch, but let’s give the former President the benefit of the doubt, why is that worthy of an official statement? Beloved fan of Twitter, until they permanently banned him, you might expect a quick shout on his new social media platform, truthsocial.com. But no, for some reason, it seems that President Trump thought that hitting a hole in one was at the level of announcing policy platform changes toward Russia, or his candidacy for the next Presidential elections.

Let’s review what we do know before we unpack this statement.

  • Donald J. Trump loves, and I mean LOVES, to be the center of attention. He thrives on it. Jumping up and down, screaming “look at me!” is not just what he does, it is who he is.
  • Donald J. Trump plays a lot of golf. He played 307 days during his tenure in the White House, but more importantly, he owns seventeen golf courses. He spends most of his life in and around golf. He is reckoned to have an 11 handicap, although he claims a 2.8, which puts him at pro-level.
  • Donald J. Trump is known throughout the golf world as a reverse sandbagger. He artificially claims to be a better player than he actually is. Through manipulating the score, not filing scorecards at all, or kicking the ball, fudging the shot, or any other means at his disposal, he is famous for not being entirely honest. On the golf course.

At Winged Foot Golf Club in New York, Trump is known to kick the ball back onto the fairway so often that the caddies nicknamed him “Pele”.

Fellow Winged Foot member, and Ireland’s Hogs Head golf Club owner, Bryan Marsal, said that Trump told him during a friendly game, “You see those two guys? They cheat. See me? I cheat. And I expect you to cheat because we’re going to beat those two guys today.” Marsal has a theory about this behavior from the former President. “He’s going to cheat you. But I think Donald, in his heart of hearts, believes that you’re gonna cheat him, too. So if it’s the same, if everybody’s cheating, he doesn’t see it as really cheating.”

Donald Trump cheats at golf, because that is the way he learned to play. It fits nicely into his “win at all costs” worldview to play that way. The old sports adage, “if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying hard enough” found fertile ground in young Donald, and he has made that his lifelong mantra. As on the golf course so in life.

Every business deal touched by Trump hands has had a ball gently booted back on the fairway, a dropped shot not subtracted, or a bunker shot that magically found its way onto the fringe. One thing is certain when it comes to Donald Trump, he is most definitely “trying hard enough.”

Given all of this background, however, it is still possible for President Trump to have hit a hole in one. I have played golf a handful of times in my life, perhaps 20 or 30 rounds in total, and I once hit the flag on a par three tee shot. Blind luck does, in fact, exist. And for a man who spends as much time playing golf as Donald Trump, he must have had at least a few decent tee shots in his life.

Even if we are prepared to concede that he did, in fact, hit a hole in one, he still has a long way to go to match the sporting prowess of Kim Jong Il, who hit five hole in ones the first time he ever played the game. And if you buy one story, you should buy the other, for they are interchangeable in their meaning and purpose.

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